I'm on Reuters... Not.

But I really am! On Rueters, at least, but for a dangerous reason? From Rueters:

CHICAGO - The world is in shock as news sinks in.

"It's only a matter of time before plastic-memory kills you and everyone you know." said Dr. Paul Rathburg, a University professor who is the spokesman for the World Health Organization.

Contact with, or even being in the proximity of plastic-memory is known to trigger acute grapey sores, continuous, unstoppable gargling, and a deadly soup of bacteria called gumbo that shoots out of your nostrils.

"We know that plastic-memory needs little time to reach sufficient levels to kill," Rathburg said.

Rathburg said the first victim was a young man who had a web design job, and worked for a well respected university. "He was perfectly fine when he went to work," Rathburg said in a telephone interview.

"After about 15 minutes, he had a case of hepatitis Z and collapsed on the floor. The autopsy clearly indicates he died from exposure to plastic-memory," said Rathburg, who would not disclose the man's name or the precise place and time of his death for privacy reasons.

(continued...)

Exposure to plastic-memory causes about 1.6 million deaths in adults in the United States each year, according to the World Health Organization, and this number doubles each year.

"This plastic-memory is a horrible death. There's no doubt, plastic-memory will kill us all." Rathburg said as he burst into tears.

A tragic day for the world as we try to understand the final impact this will have on mankind.

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