MRT 101

From Krisandro,

Without further a due, I present to you Krisandro’s list of MRT Rules.

1. When on the escalator during rush hour, either keep left or you follow the rushing passengers on the right. Don’t stall the fast lane and tempt me to grab your legs and throw you over the side.

2. When SMRT says they are increasing the number of train trips, it doesn’t mean that you can wake up later. And please don’t look at the screens telling you how long the next train is going to arrive if you have high blood pressure.

3. If you want to get into the train cabin and you do not let the passengers in the train cabin out first, you deserve to be knocked down by a smelly, sweaty, giant man with huge man-boobs.

4. If you do not move to the center of the train, you deserve to be sodomized by a horny blue whale and wear a tag so that we understand your plight that you cannot move around much.

5. If you will not give up your seat to a pregnant lady or a senior citizen, have the courage to at least PRETEND that you are fast asleep. Stop looking at the lady’s stomach and mentally weighing it against your beer belly and deciding who has the heavier load.

6. The vertical poles in the train cabins are for passengers to hold onto with their hands. If you lean on them with your whole body, I might need to separate your left butt cheek from your right to secure a holding spot and I do not have that much Dettol to cleanse my hand afterwards.

7. If you are blasting your choice of music through your phone speakers, please make sure that your taste in music is at least accepted by 70% of the people who are within earshot. If you are not sure how you can figure that out, please purchase a device called “ear-phones”.

8. The fare you pay for travelling on the MRT entailed you to a limited space. If you need space to hold a copy of The Straits Times fully opened in front of you during peak hours, consider buying an EZ-Link card for the newspaper as well.

9. If you fart or burp in a an MRT cabin, have the courtesy to say ‘excuse me’. If you think people will get angry over it, have the habit of laughing like a hyena as soon as you fart. I can assure you that it will be more amusing than anything.

10. Do not scold me if the train is packed and I am poking your butt from behind. The one who you should scold is the one who is poking my butt. Don’t ask me to push back as well because it will seem as though I am reciprocating.