half dead, half alive.

man, my week was long... but at least it's over.

a quick summary before i leave the house to go for practice...

i have been working at sentosa EVERYDAY on weekdays for the week.. only having weekends for the rest. plus, on top of the sentosa, i had to work at mustafa to sell OLIVER RICH's aromatherapy products... an extra buck.

the oliver rich's shifts are horrific... 7.30pm - 2 AM. that sort of thing. and with sentosa in the morning.. it leads to little rest and sleep.

monday was the only spared day. first day at work, i did 9 to 5 at the sky tower ticketing. it was quite a pleasant experience.. answering the SAME damn questions over and over again. tourists... pfft. after that it was a rest moment... before the following days that would almost kill. amazingly i survived.

on tuesday and wednesday, i worked 830-2am... yes, it is CRAZY. tuesday was fort siloso... the most boring place in sentosa... and it was a very slack day there.. drying stamina for nothing. it ended by 6, so i had to go get some dinner, then move to mustafa... first night at mustafa was ok, made a bit of sales, so there is a commission. not too bad. talked on phone a bit, talked with the cashier and spent the time all over... the work ended with a nice taxi uncle, who sent me home, and charged me lesser even though i didnt have enough... i still got the original receipt though, so i still can claim from the oliver rich.

wednesday... repeat cycle. 830 i was at sentosa already... starting work at the sky ticketing this time. not too bad. but kind of crushed the day when i saw my results as being weaker than what i expected. way weaker... very discouraging.. my mood seemed to crash down.. although i still managed to maintain an okay attitude towards guests... even though they would repeatedly ask the same questions... (how do i get to the underwater world? where's the toilet? where's the cable car plaza?(it's freaking beside our booth you fools.)) it carries on to the next few hours of unrest... big insecurity and reflecting moments... even at the mustafa.. that night.. only one sale.. so it was kind of boring. just talked a lot on the phone so that time could pass faster.. thanks to those who have even allowed me to survive the night.. rachel, clara, huiru, fel, jos.. oh well. the same uncle fetched me home and charged me less, again. chatty guy.. funny. his history is almost hilarious and well, crazy.

thursday was a long day at sentosa. although there wasn't work at oliver rich later on, i had a long day sitting in the booth of merlion. what's so nice about the damn place... a mutated fish with a lion face... that's all.. and a simple view.. people want to pay $8 for that. psycho. at least made some friends with the merlion staff, so it wasn't too bad. after that i went to dong's chalet only nearby at the costa sands resort, to meet up with the dudes after not seeing them for so long.. and celebrated our buddy dong's birthday. very cool. at least that night, i reached home earlier.. at about 1130, and had the longest sleep in the workweek.

finally, friday was a simpler and anticipated day... final stretch! spent time in the smallest cell of sentosa, the Images of Singapore ticketing booth. at least with eyshah, a super high self esteem and cheerful girl, she talked with me and we survived the entire stretch together. not too boring. the boring part would be rosmini relieving us... at a VERY SLOW PACE. blah. finished at 7pm.. latest.. and rushed instantly to oliver rich. no meals this time. however thankfully junwei and jos came with food, and accompanied me.. wait. they spent half the time inside the shopping center and leaving me out. haha. but at least this time i got company. they stayed over and well.. it was saturday already and my workweek is over.

the weekdays were long, but amazingly, i survived it with no complaints. although mornings were super edgy, i had managed to sustain and fully awakened by the time i have started working. new form of training i suppose..

a lot of things going through my mind right now about myself... so full of crap and confusion. self-searching and all this identity crisis.. i need some form of solution. i can't stand myself being like this.. it feels very weird.. hanging from a moment.. i rather drop or be pulled up, though maybe i feel i should just die and just rise again.

although it is said it is more important how we handle failure, im feeling that i need some sort of solution.. looking back, i have fallen so much so easily.. over all the dumbest things and whatever.. and climbed back up over and over again.. i need to either stop falling, or maybe learn from falling or whatever there is.

perhaps the work has really gotten to my head and i'm just too tired.