if this is what you want, then why is there so much pain?

all right, so here's a plan for the holiday...

it's about one month, hopefully i can work also. i drew out a bit of a battle plan for the month. i'm going to exercise! jog! hopefully my body can take it, and my mind will be disciplined. with this maybe i can lose some weight and get some shape.

also, hopefully i can get the job offer von-sama has... i want money! more like i need it. yup.

also with school down, it's really time to relax from the workload and get prepared for the next. i want to do well and get a ROCKET GPA this sem! i know i can do it! because i want to!

and it's because i have always been a genius (i'd better not be overconfident because the strength is not really mine but God's.)

safely, i would rather use strength properly than abuse it. I'm a weak person, so strength is such a treasure. but i tend to abuse it. don't know what i'm saying? be a christian. it's not a bad thing... shows you the world. that's about the scope of christianity.

which brings me to the fear of this FREEDOM suddenly. when a person gets too free, he thinks too much. i rather not think about my own emotional rubbish. i thought i could escape... i think it wants to come back. bore me! because of this weakness of me, i am hindered from being ultimate... argh.

why am i so concerned with being ultimate this ultimate that? because i can't stand weakness anymore. everything was so weak, so i just want to be strong... it's quite a long story. i was weak, and perhaps still are, but i am not going to stay this way forever, because it's utter rubbish to be like this. would you be weak?

it's off-topic, but i think the most important thing for me is to actually be clear in my mind. this... TIFA-san thing... i don't know, but it disturbs my mind. it shouldn't, because i am to be stronger.

the fact that i'm still human reminds me of how much my limit is.