Reflexions

Recently I had to reflect upon a situation where I was misinterpreted (again). Something I said apparently hurt someone and it was obviously not my intention to come across that way.

After someone else did some clarification, my first thought was like "What? Of course I did not mean it like that! Sorry, but I don't think I'm crazy enough."

I was kind of upset because it seemed that I had used the wrong choice of words to talk about how I feel. Or maybe it was the way I came across.

I think an example would be clearer...

A and B are good friends. A's band was in the music industry, playing bigger since he started out his career earlier. B has always been interested in the music industry, training hard so that he would want to be one day recognised in the music industry. A often tried to pull strings for B, often discussing with record companies to sign B's band for production, he felt B was capable, and B had really come a long way. The companies delayed in signing B, frustrating B that he would never make it into the industry like A did. A would not give up, to him the music industry needed fresher talent than it had, and it was a good time.

A knew of the predicaments that would come, because the music industry is slower, record companies try to bank on as much as whatever they can do with current talent, because it lowers marketing costs. B was pretty sure this would be the time to enter the industry, because A's band would pretty much be tired out soon (potentially be a fad as well), and raised the issues to the company, so that they would sign B, at least on a trial basis.

Finally the time had come for the music industry to accept B into the industry, and thus rose the industry of punk rock. Okay, not really, but anyway back to the main point, it was for happiness that A would finally see B into the music industry. Immediately, B's concern would be whether he could play well within the music, pleasing the company that signed him. As a musician, he would want to play well, and who wouldn't want to play at their best?

The problem came when B misjudged A's opinion.

1) B asked A whether he would be able to play in the music industry. It works like this;

B: What if I can't play well? Wouldn't that make me look bad?

A: Honestly, you don't really play well now. The pace is different and it's not exactly something I feel you can hit now. Give yourself time.

What do you think is the interpretation of whatever is said?

B took it very much upon himself that A almost certainly meant that he was not fit to be in the music industry. As B and A were good friends, he would not take it as anger or bitterness... He chose to take hurt and disappointment about it. A probably wouldn't have suspected it... Because what he meant was an honest opinion/judgement of skill that B had.

What A meant was that B is unable to play at the pace the music industry wants him to. A knows that it's not an easy entry to the music industry, and certainly not any easier to stay in it. The requirements are very speed-based, 10%, 20%, -5%, whatever. To A, he hoped for B to improve, and slowly within the playing he could adapt to the pace. That was how A learnt anyway. B thought A really meant for him not to get into the industry... And the rest is really an untalked subject between this two before A found out.

Putting the As and Bs aside, I'm very much A, and B is a friend which I would not have thought that he would misinterpret. My first thoughts were kind of like, "Why is it so hard to give an honest opinion? Do I hide my messages below?" I think I'm sanely not sarcastic, and I wouldn't have intended to kill off B in such a manner. Such a misunderstanding would kill off a friendship.

A bit of disappointment occurred but I felt I had my share of misunderstandings as well. Perhaps it would be better to want to clear up the matter as soon as possible.

After thinking, I thought I have to take part of the blame for not being clear about whatever I said. This is where I am sorry for it, and really, to clear up, I meant for the better of things when I say things like that. To rationalise, A would not try to help B into the industry by asking the company to sign him if all he wanted was for B to get out. Even if the music industry is signing B not because of whatever A said, it still doesn't make sense for A to want to stab B like that, so frontal.

So for B, A is sorry, and to him, the music industry was less important than the friend he wanted to help.