Playing Second Fiddle is Nothing.

Perhaps one of the greatest things I have learned this year, and maybe still struggle with, is the lesson of expectation.

I expect this, I expect that. It's such a prickly feel to everyone, ain't it now?

I thought expectations are allowed to exist because there is trust and faith in people, therefore expecting something from them, given both are in possibly right frame of minds, is alright.

How wrong I have been.

Truly, I have to learn to be completely expectation-less. Maybe that's where humility can set in, because you do not have some warped form of authority. I suppose I can draw up some model over this, but it's not worth it, because it leads to my second point.

I should start considering myself too smart to the point I'm seen as stupid, because I suppose there is a lightweight in things I say, or the presence I bear. This is an expectation error, because I might have thought too highly of myself.

How foolish of me.

Maybe I'm just tired of things, since this year has been awfully crazy. But I doubt I want to pull my plug out any time now, yet I do not enjoy this feeling. It links back to the old problem of people comparing this and comparing that. I suppose I will not let anger get the better of me, therefore I should find a more useful solution, perhaps starting with indifference, and then changing to security in other reliable sectors.

Do I blame the world for its stupidity? Not really. I did blame myself for allowing myself to fall too ridiculously. Solutions tried? Definitely, the conventional "I'm not going to mess up any more or less!" has failed already due to its effects being ultimately short-term. Answer has to lie inside the crazy head of mine.

I cannot expect things to go my way, can I?

Ridiculous arrogance and pride.