cold, empty.. void.

its such a boring place around here -.-

yawning again like mad. shall sleep soon.

i was just reflecting on the time i've spent in church over the years.. kinda long hor.. since 2001.

surely things changed, i changed. a lot of shit happened.. i've seen ppl come and go.. ranging from distant to close ppl; me and my own shit.. i dunno man.. ppl may feel i haven gone thru worse scenarios.. but trust me.. its enuff.. at least i know im not a kid.

i hate being treated like one. cos i know the way im being trained.. im not supposed to be one. ppl in life just seem to find excuses to prove themselves right even in the wrongest situations.. has pride really damaged your sensibility?

well. its a colder world out here than we think it is. leaving a church really solves no shit.. given all the possibilities. i dunno. i cant promise that i wont leave too. those who did already left. it may seem like a sickeningly vicious cycle. i wan to make myself never have that stupid pride issue in me. i wanna make my life look something useful to God even.

breaking free is never easy..it is not light on my shoulders. i dunno how heavy it may be on others but it sure sucks on me

the best companion.. has been proven.. is still God. yup. i tried all sorts of things. the best humanoid form will be my good guy frens in church man. although i know they are there.. im sure there are limits to how much we can support each other. God is all powerful.. so He solves all problems.. im kinda ashamed that He has to step in, but we know that we cant do without Him.

i tried other shit. such as a female companion. doesnt work now. maybe next time. ppl like MOMO-san are really insensitive.. who doesnt know damage she caused. oh please dun tell me i nv tried her point of view. i did, but its time she tried mine. its not a selfish thing. its a "LET'S FACE IT" sort of scenario when its kind of dumb whos worse off.

its tiring. im still learning to break free. it haunts me. but i dun relaly wanna care. although this "pulling the plug" mentality will worsen my condtion.. its best to slow things down.. not too slowly. but quickly eliminate the situation. shes nt the problem. i guess its just my mind..

haha.. MOMO-san. happy advanced birthday.