By the minutes.

It's 9am, and I'm blogging from SP BizIT Library... I came early for morning prayer meet, but Pastor Geoffrey didn't come. I guess it's more of a taste of my own medicine, of the countless times he just had to sit there and wait while I never showed up.

I'm going to work later at Sentosa Sky Tower... Haven't worked there for two weeks, and I'm training Rachel, again. Hopefully I do not lose my momentum, because I did not work enough, I forget how it feels once in a while. Rosmini is doing INFO today! At least she ain't S4, if not I would leave the Sky Tower at 9.30pm already.

I'm trying not to blog about the usual stuff, because it is becoming an aimless form of ranting that is not beneficial in any way. It just seems as a repeating of the same old crap... Sometimes I should just keep quiet, and not think so much. It's really about letting God speak to me, and not me talking ALL the time. I'd give you an example Jos gave:

Me: GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?!
God: Well, I think...
Me: AHHHHHH! WHAT'S GOING ON THIS TIME?!
God: You got to let Me...
Me: AHHHHH! *continues some unnecessary screaming*

See what I'm talking about? When am I going to just shut up and do the listening? It's pride to think that I'm in control and therefore talk the most. In fact, "I" was most commonly used in the past, where everything really seemed to be all about myself. I thought I had an agreement to stop this selfishness! In addition, I should also include that I should remember I'm only 17 years and 10 months and 9 days old... I should not try too hard and behave like a 23 year old man. Boy to man, what's it like anyway...

After having a talk with Di, I don't really know how to react any more. I just fear the apocalypse in a person's life; the same apocalypse that happened in hers and caused the massive egos to develop and therefore abandon where we were originally made from. Some people may not understand, but for those who do, you know what I mean right. It's just so tragic. But after all the "setbacks" I have been struck with, I come to realise that nothing is tragic at all. There is somehow a need to not care so much sometimes... It's not about the returns, although it was a big problem for me back then, when whatever I did really went nowhere. But thinking back, is it really worth to be matched up against anything? I think I deserve better. Surely, it is not right to be compared against the standards of the world. The truth is in other stuff, but definitely not my own standards.

In any case, it's kind of late, and I should really get going now. A crack in the head would do me real good, and once again, I should snap back to youth and not try to be an adult.

Humbly, slap me.