the sulking ain't gonna do shit.

After a long and tiring day, I'm rewarded with tomorrow starting at 2pm with just AM tutorial. Most classes are cancelled due to meetings with the external examiner, which is good and bad for us, depending on whether the lecturers would be harsh on us when it's all over with the massive make-up classes, which could make a week seem more hell than ever.

I just came home from a meet with the secondary school dudes. It was a fun gathering, meeting up and reminiscencing. I needed to get away from stuff anyway, it was pretty fun. Photos would be uploaded at a later time, when I get them from the photographers... Mainly everyone except me.

I feel awfully tired, mentally, physically, emotionally and maybe spiritually. I sulk too much. It's so pathetic; when will I stop screaming and just let God talk to my heart? How long should I continue to despair, while I lose any form of stability? I wouldn't press the STOP button on myself even if I really felt like. My will has always taken control somehow, like a third party. I suppose that's a neutral move, showing that I somehow has no control over my mind. The fishing around of my thoughts prove that I'm not stable at all. I can't push myself to be over my limit, but I would really want to know what is my limit, so that I can at least have some controls over myself.

Maybe one day I would really become schizophrenic because of such unhealthy thoughts. I have to snap out of it quick.