feeling(s) all crashed confused.. and twisted

argh.. pretty sad case cos im blogging from my old comp. my original comp's PSU's screwed.

ok.. today was one of those late sundays. i shall not be late anymore because tt way i can save 10 freaking dollars on a freaking cab. and i can tithe also.

oh sermon was useful(you'd think i wont listen.. haha i feed on them naturally). it was that we don't retaliate.. abt Jesus when He abt to be captured by guards.. they abt to arrest Him.. His disciples armed themselves with swords and got ready.. but Jesus tell them no need to. then one dude.. think its Peter.. go and strike the guard with his sword la.cut off the ear.. but Jesus was like STOP IT. and He go heal the dude's ear.. and let Himself be arrested.

the point we see here is that Jesus was clear in bringing forth that He was coming in peace. Apparently He doesnt need to retaliate.. he's got 12 legions of angels to fight for him.. each legion amounts to 6000.. do your math. angels are much more powerful beings than we think they are.

moral of the story: retaliation only brings forth more evil. failure to retaliate doesnt mean your weak... it means you're wise and strong(not HUM).

which leads to my next point.. MOMO-san.

she came today to crystal cos of rehearsal.. Good Friday. but i doubt so la. i tink she came to support evonne ba.

it is an obvious questionable motive, but i couldnt care less. her presence was a bit dangerous any way. she came and i was inside toilet. i came out... and saw her eye to eye. she did the eye-smile(u know, the sort of smile u open ur eyes big and smile alittle wif ur mouth). i did this _|_!!! no la. haha. i just stared and walked away lor.

i tink no pt in retaliating. i will lose more. cos i was grateful i didnt. after that it was slowly eating into me. i feel sibei sad and sian.. all those fucking past memories keep coming back. then the truth hits again and again.

she doesnt know she's wrong.

im like fuck and forget it la. just focus. yea. it was a bit difficult. ate into me the whole day. i left church it was eating me.. i drive my STi in MT still eat in me.. jam i also kena eaten...

but i guess the best part is i handle it well. i got dudes to cover me any time. thanks dudes.

in any case the damage was done. just hopefully its a training to me and i become better and better in handling..

i dont wish for anything less. just a peace of mind.