Stop thinking in the box.

It's a more important issue... But unfortunately there are complications. I perhaps try too hard pointlessly at being complicated whilst being a simple person.

I kind of understand how it feels when you get hit by obstacles, literal or not. You go "OW! It hurts!", then there is a decision you make afterwards. Depending on how loud the "OW!" was, it determines how much you move.

In mental and emotional contexts, my "OW!" has been quite loud. Natural, you'd say, considering I'm naturally quite a complainer... Hypocritical to the fact I dislike the fact of complainers who do nothing. As the complainer, I stay there and sort of "try" to do something about the pain, but the thing is I don't have to because it can just heal on its own. As if really doing something would guarantee help, because the more I try the more pain I feel, and that sort of thing usually pulls me down worse.

In these situations of "smart-aleck", it kinds of tells me to just f'ing relax and just not try to take it on myself too much. Thinking back, most of the things I sort of went through had my own participation in it. It wouldn't seem right to use the word "pain" because I would think it's such a subjective matter. Personally, it could have been an excuse that I would use to furthermore hate, or deny the past of my life.

How much is that helping me anyway? Denying the past or even hating it... Am I actually acknowledging that the current me is so much better? What a prideful act, I would think. I can't get any more proud.

In fact, what is motivating me to be better and sort of stronger? If I actually work it out just for the sake of "face", I'm not too far from being pathetic. Comparisons to a superior? I thought of it once, but told myself it couldn't be, because I know I'm different. Sadly sometimes the chants in my mind continue to ask "then why aren't you accepted?" Lies, I told myself continuously. Believing in these lies don't make anything better, but the fact that these lies can appear in my mind may mean the insecurity.

On other times I curse the world for being the bitch blocking me. But that's kind of stupid too, blaming everyone else for something I failed in. Doesn't work huh?

Should things be unnatural within me, that means I'm crazier than the normal state. Solutions are better to focus on then problems. Sulking, is it? Yes, like a child. But I know I'm no child. I'm 18.

Well that concludes one severed school of thought. Confused guy, I'd think of myself. There's a lot of confusion in me that it's more important than anger, disappointment and other crap. Maybe being naive ignorant was a gift, and I'd always thought it otherwise.