Tuesday, February 27, 2007

belated new year.


(Click to enlarge)

I suck at making these pictures, and I don't even take them!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

over my head.

I have a problem starting blog posts. I cannot structure what I would want to say and put into a format which seems somehow interesting and ventilating.

But after a while I kind of realised that venting isn't really useful, not in a blog post. Text means nothing to me anyway.

Anyway a little update, but I have been playing street soccer. I need at least a bit of physical activity... NO BELLY PLEASE!!! I sort of forgot about Operation Body Buff, which was like a last year thing but it just suddenly stopped? I seriously consider going back in. Trouble is always going alone. Such an awkward manner, I feel inferior next to those bouncer-like men at the gym, it feels like I'm training with the ladies.

Other things include I have been trying to escape from my home so that I don't actually endure nagging in excess. Tried all avenues, including working. But not everyone is free for outings, considering SP's weird holiday structure.

There are other things happening, such as people disappearing. I would think I've failed, but I refuse to just bow down. Sometimes people give you the "JUST GIVE UP ON ME" sign, but I think I choose my path, thank you very much. A few things I would require is a less distracted mind, and a definite overpowering mature mindset to conquer more importantly myself.

The other things that are being in question would be in the spiritual context, whether I want to do something with my life. Of course I want to, but it's always the problem of moving in to do it. Perhaps I neglected God and maybe depended on my own strength, for maybe about the past year. Own strength amazes me because the limits aren't visible, but no one can tap on it fully without God. Somehow it seems power-hungry, and yes, I'm a bit power-hungry/greedy.

In this world where you're only judged on the surface, it's difficult to survive. I fight this fight every moment of my life, and within myself, because it is a struggle to have ultimate objectivity and whole-picture sighting. I know what I'm capable of, yet I'm not anywhere near achieving it.

I'm angry at what I can do, but am not doing. It's disappointing that sometimes I try to blame the reasons I'm hindered, but I think it's more important to look front.

Putting despise behind me, and hope in front.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

not today, not yet tomorrow, then some other day.

Maybe I got too prideful.

Maybe I got too bored.

That's why I feel like I'm not being heard.

Did I stagnate, or did I grow?

I beg the latter, unless everyone else sees the former.

Then it becomes a big problem.

Again, I should stop expecting, and just live with it.

It's time like these I wonder who is honest all around me.

Monday, February 12, 2007

get this into your head.

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Out of blog posts... Valentine's nothing but a passing day.

PATHETIQUE!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

dedicated suicide.



A NEW COVER! LIKE FINALLY. The title is from Pull Me Under by Dream Theater.

With effect from today, the rest of my time spent in DMC is no longer plagued with exam stress! BECAUSE THEY HAVE CEASED TO EXIST! For seniors only.

It's so great, after realising so late that I actually am affected by exam stress so badly subconsciously? I'm not good at applying concepts, so it's all smoke and black lungs.

A little stupid post, again, with pictures.

I just went to deliver the bass amp to Caleb at Clementi. At about 6.30pm I decided to leave the house with that huge box. I wore a cap because I just felt like it suddenly.

I only realised how stupid that whole overall decision was. I looked exactly like that terrorist guy on those train safety ads.



At that point I was worried I could be detained by station security. I have received that weird check twice already, AND I SWEAR I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A TERRORIST. Do terrorists put bombs in adidas or Crumpler bags? It's an expensive bomb then.



I was still joking with myself to leave the thing there and just scare the crap out of everyone. But it's really not my amp! Haha.

I did this quiz thing found from Nic's blog.

Guess I'm again the confused type... Like the psychology one, where I had a balance of ALL 4 types (Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic(?)). But that was in 2003. I haven't taken it again.

This enneagram test is kind of interesting, but I'm two types. Schizophrenia sets in, again.

First answer
Second answer