disrespect, and you're dead.

tired. i hate school work.

in a week and it's all over! just be alone and study! WOOTS~

by the way, kel's bday passed. HAPPY BIRTHDAY dude again. met with old folks like jacq. way back... way back. haha

i don't know what is wrong with me. being too edgy and angry at too many things. snappy? yea.

i need a relaxant.

mémoire en plastique

yawn... so tired.

i was intending to start MMR tonight. but i didn't really know how to really begin, and wasn't in the vibe for work, so i didn't do anything.

cleared LAW.. i'm so glad. left with DMA, MMR and FW. hopefully MMR finishes by sunday.. i want to analyse the data quick and get done with it. DMA is a different workload altogether.

FW... no comments on that. i have a rough idea of what to do. always full of ideas, me. but whether they are worked out, another thing.

ok.. let's start on a bit of personal touch.

was a bit irritated and slightly edgy because of certain events that really kind of wasted my time. the unreasonableness of it, well, let's just say it's too dumb for mention. and why do people even play at sarcasm? it's as bad as talking behind one's back... if you really want to comment, tell it to the person directly; if he can't take it, then keep it to yourself, or even practise some discretion so that the person won't really notice. in the same way, sarcasm is like beating around the bush.. except this time in your face, and personally it comes across very insulting. want to say a thing, say it to the face in the meaning you want it.

how do we solve group conflict? we learnt it in OM. The best method is collaborating... whether assertiveness and cooperation are at its highest. however, this is too time-consuming.

so what's the fastest way?

compromising.

shall not go more than that already.

fellowship special tomorrow, and i have not planned out proper what to play. something else disturbs my mind. i can't seem to work properly suddenly. bad excuse, i know, because i have a tendency to go to this sort of "trance".

free. my. mind.

conceived in the eye of the secret.

explain why the damn video camera from DMS is so damn heavy.

went for filming for the DMA introduction video. it was smooth, good enough for one minute. kept getting interrupted by people who would disturb the flow of our shots... ARGH!

but the whole carrying case was very useful. it was a damn effective seat. MRT was congested, but i could sit on it and rest.

and anyway.. i shall be clearing LAW CA at least by tomorrow. and MMR as well, by sunday. DMA should be smooth.. next week is the rush. i certainly pray for the DMA team to finish the programming and all that.. if all the core modules get a grade 3.5, 3.3 semester GPA is smoothly received.

somehow i feel a bit discouraged. it could be the exams. NO!! THAT SHOULD NOT BE THE WAY! but again, i reap what i sow, and God will be the judge in this.

let's finish the final week ok?! i want to rest, then work, then just live a normal kid's life again. tertiary schooling.. kkrrrrr.

Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love - for love

She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

Tommy got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, it's tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers: Baby it's okay, someday

We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

We've got to hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got

We're half way there
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer


Very tired now... went gym. my arms hurt.
the final stretch of two weeks.. what i have left..

GEMS_Photo Essay Due 3 August
MMR_Report Due 7 August
DMA_Interactive CD Due 7 August
FW_Investigative Story CA Due 7 August
LSC_CA Due 28 July

i am quite tired... oh well. i should rest awhile.. then work on the LSC later.. if possible.

going to film the intro video for DMA with dong tomorrow. hopefully can finish quick and we can clear everything quickly, so that we get ready for exams faster. WAHAHA.

though i very much doubt we will actually get ready for exams. we would just be relaxing i suppose.

dreams, are just dreams, RIGHT?!

very very stressed... weird series of dreams.

shall not blog about them... to avoid mention of the people involved..

and did i mention that there is only one damn theme to all these dreams... that is the emo emo relationship shit!?!?!?!

ARGH!!! IT'S STARTING MY DAYS ON THE WRONG TRACK!!!!!

final stretch towards exams.. let's finish the projects and go to the final battle!

it may sound like an excuse, because school work is pulling me away and making me more self-centered. VERY WRONG, VERY CAPITALIST. being self-centered pulls me away from too many things.

i could need a person to trust? it's a person.. regardless of gender.. it could do.

but first off maybe i need to trust myself.

let's be on the lighter note... INITIAL D: SPECIAL STAGE... my FD is cool! but now i have a new interest... the TOYOTA MR-S! sold at 88k in Singapore.. i can only wish for it, for such selfish two-seater car. hahah. here are pics of it... i'm no longer interested in the CELICA... so my dream cars would be... SUBARU IMPREZA WRX STi (GDB), TOYOTA MR-S, MAZDA RX-7 (FD3S)... and biggest dream is still LAMBORGHINI GALLARDO.. and also Ferrari F430 Spyder.

here's the MR-S. not MISSUS.


front view.



back view.

by the way i'm blogging from school and am really bored.. and disturbed. argh damn nights.

true, true.

maybe i come across as arrogant when i suggest certain stuff. but forgive me, i don't mean it... it may just be me not being able to understand why certain things are like that.

i need a drink.

by the way, i shall not look into the damn past anymore. it's already past, so i move. FASTER.

flowers are bad.

---

okok, fine. but i still won't go ahead.

---


anyway i am damn tired, and i'm about to fall sick anytime soon. pray for me people.

and you know, BS is like a really reflective time. i take it quite seriously... can't let it slip when it goes to self-evaluation.

i have to forgive the old me. pride, human strength, all these i know has no value at all.

and i have to go back to God.

yea, it's not safe to say i know what i'm doing. not safe at all.

personal DNA

Free-Wheeling Builder

you don't know how much it's worth till it's gone.

i hope everyone else treasures friendships.

because i do.

seconds.

hit me baby one more time.



by the way, as requested by dong



anyway, i'm going to go study OM as much as i can, if not i will never be able to complete my part. NO UNDERSTANDING OF THE DAMN THING! ARGH! i need a prayer.

and anyway.. AHEM for those who know about THAT DREAM... don't rub it in. making me feel uneasy about myself. kkkrrr.

therefore, let me remind you that all dreams are to be thrown away.

"Look, I know what I am and I know what I'm not. I'm the girl who, you know, gets really good grades and who's not afraid to be funny. And I'm the girl who has a lot of friends who are boys and no boyfriends. I'm not beautiful, ok, and I never will be. And I'm fine with that." - Shallow Hal

From Suffy's blog.

I feel tired... damn tired. let's clear up the damn CAs so that we can all relax.

by the way, exam schedule is out.

LSC 16-AUG
CONB 18-AUG
OM 22-AUG
MMR 25-AUG

A for ALL! GPA 3.3 BABY!

i will post exam dates on the template to remind myself to get away from here.'

by the way, pics from yesterday's wedding.




let's review... from left: Me, Janan, Jevon, Joshua, Eng Chai, Weiling, Darran, Pei Ting, Elaine, Wantian, Mel.

the old Tacs 1 are minus JEVON of course, Wantian, and Eng Chai.

one missing person would be ZHUO XIN. who knows where she is huh.

looking at this, it's going way back to the past. blast from the past man, i was the last to enter into the tacs group in 2001, with entry in february only. but hey, we all travelled this much, now what is left is me, joshua, janan and elaine. the rest who left, well, changed a lot. i should try and zap joshua's old school photo of his sec 1 days when i haven't come. those are like full of comments of "whoa, jo you were SHORT and the hair was the Ke Lang Ke Si(dragonball name i think)!" or janan who was tallest back then or stuff like "mel shifted a different dimension in the past years", "darran's way hippier and of course taller." haha. nostalgic memories.

full of people from way back, and i wish that everybody could come back too. but well, God's plan.

on a lighter note, maybe all this built those who survived up.

let the pictures do the talking.

last saturday.



today.







source=gene chan

no talking today... i'm tired. and bothered. hmmm.

for you i'll bleed myself dry.

the way this week is ending is weird. i don't know why. maybe it's just yesterday, and last night.

nobody wants to hear, so i shall not talk about the details of that.

an additional thing that happened was a set of really dumb dreams that prove disturbing. i am so not in denial mode; i am not interested at all.

by the way, today was quite fun. went jamming with my school dudes and joshua at some studio which was what i consider better than SENG CHAI MUSIC. we played a mixture of songs with dong being the drummer... after a short while we played SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT. dong's solo was just whoa~. great honour to play with the SPANISHFLY guitarist. haha.

after that me and joshua went to eat carl's junior with our other homies, edmund, janan and junwei. it's a horrible effect... carl's junior. i would NOT work there for sure, because if i were to clean up, i would go mad. HORRENDOUSLY MESSY. still delicious though.

after that left the usual three of us, we went to the Baybeats which were really fun and interesting. makes me wish that one day the name PLASTIC-MEMORY be on the list. KKRRRRR....

in any sense, those happenings in life are just a minor section.

what i'm really concerned about, is the repression of my emotional boo-boos. really dumb, pointless, tragic, and well... pathetic. i can't let them take control now. not now. not when i am busy. that's not suppose to happen.

it's a multiple series of stirs in my life now?

or is it not? is it merely a mood i am feeling and that is making me think?

how about a failure i'm going through, either i fall back real low, or i'll be slingshot across a great distance?

i should stop thinking and start using my mind for more useful purposes.

some pics i decided to put up.





God, guide me through this time please. all that i'm going through, i shall not be prideful, but i lift them to You, trusting in You to help me through all this. make me a better and stronger person.

why is that dead part of me acting up again. it's not right.
i should stop hating myself already.
no point in even burying my feelings.
they must be settled.

pictures speak a thousand words. but what i make speak a million. SHUT UP!

not bad huh?



don't ask why the cover is like this.

a concrete man, trying to be transparent.
men hide their feelings, i bury mine.

today.

the girls with rajan, all time favourite lecturer!



and another one...



i like to call this one the MALAYS. hahaha


the guys with rajan. we are the subordinates. haha




a class photo... incomplete AGAIN. but von is with us mentally and spiritually.



all photos credited to Dong. Thanks dude.

finally, some rest. before ANOTHER storm.

-----------
edit= the photoshopping tools! i don't know. it's the usual me already. haha



guys pic again, without the corporate ladder man. haha.



class malays revamped to "a different level"



it doesn't matter whether the class is complete. in the end, i think the spirit is already closer to complete. :)



CONB makes you weird. no matter what the lecturer does, he stays the same, but everyone changes.



CLIMB THE LADDER!



here's something not from school. haha. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT huh? the jamming video, here it is.



SUNDAY BLUES~ on a sunday.

breakdowns to memorials

it's a race for tolerance.

oh well. school's been really tiring, and all of us need to strive this final stretch before we all have the massive break we deserve! let's all pull through!

but in the meantime, sleep more, exercise often and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.

went jamming yesterday. it was pretty fun. i haven't given out my PLASTIC MEMORY fanclub tag to those who came yesterday. hahaha.
today didn't start off so well... because of something so stupid which isn't my fault and really isn't necessary to go into the shit. such a small situation made big... kicks trouble.

but okay it wasn't this bad because iTunes did keep me comfortable. jos has unexpectedly thrown in some Christian songs for me to listen. kind of cooled me down from the internal impulsive heat.

anyway. i made some covers recently. i don't know if they are cool.. but check them out.



janan looks like some dude in those old shows with very nice moustaches. haha. EMOTIONAL STABILITY! YOU GET IT NOW HOLMES!?? hahaha.



no point being saddened. do what you can. :D



did i forgot to put an album title? no i did not. MAMBO JUMBO VOL II out! haha.



haha. dude, tell me, if it looks ok. haha i really didn't have a very nice picture to work on. you can give me that solo shot of you on the road. haha.



congratulations, the school group has some progress in album design! joan is the proud member to be the first. i shall start collecting the school dudes for album covers! it's not that i didn't start... i really don't have those abstract solo pics. i will dig as much as i can, but it's best i am given one! haha.

on a concluding note... i just wish all the nonsense of taking friends for granted to end. i am a victim, so i know. i don't want to treat people that way, and hopefully i haven't been. but for those who do that, let's just look at the situations and just chill ok? we all need rests. school's messy... we have our own set of shit, etc... let's just get things done with and have fun later.

gosh, i need rest and full power. give me strength all the way.

cracker.

in case you can't see it on the roller, here's a picture of the class guys during OM. we had FW interview that day, so that explains our attire. i kind of editted a bit. class spirit huh. haha and i would say this is the FIRST picture of our class guys altogether. we need a full class picture people!



you mean we are year 2 already?!

nothing to talk about for personal life section. not for now. i don't really want to talk about it just yet.

in the meanwhile, the storms are getting ready. covers!

your lifestyle to me seemed so tragic.

my gosh, FW was really ?????? ? it was like huh? but i'm glad rajan was our lecturer for the test. this is seriously the most hilarious test that grants a person at least a B or B+.

MMR's SPSS has been completed quickly! alright!

i'm left with DMA and OM. going to prepare the powerpoint presentation for DMA by sunday, then OM can be settled by monday night.

it's a slowdown to the end of storm number 1, and i think we are going to enter storm number 2.

i don't even want to think about storm 2.

wouldn't elaborate so much, but like what jos says, we all need some human to pour out to, to rely on... but oh well, i'm reminded i'm able to do fine. well, won't elaborate.

ok, going to waste the time before BS. haven't eaten.

macromedia DIRECTOR.

aww man! it's not that hard to understand how the whole program works, but the shame is i do not know enough to manipulate it! this is so tedious!

in upcoming days i have:

1. FW Mock Interview (Thursday): I still haven't selected a character Loo Lin can choose. Most probably i will select someone she knows, so that my interview can go smoothly. most probably i'd be first on the list... screw you ID NUMBER!!!!

2. MMR(Friday): I have to complete about 6 more surveys by Wednesday, so that we can do data entry by FRIDAY. where are all the 25-29 CHINESE FEMALES when i need them!? FOR SURVEYS!

3. DMA Proposal (Next Tues): Still have to make one more trip to the ART HOUSE to take interiors, then finish the storyboard and get ready to present to Loh-sensei. have to take some more shots of the interiors to complete story board, plus

4.OM(Next Tues): Not much, but i have to find an article on a prestigious manager. Shouldn't take up too much time, and i can do it after the main stuff is done.

The rest won't come even after that. because after that, we will have the MMR/CONB report, DMA full CD package prototype for the interactive CD-rom, OM whole report, FW(most probably some tests. won't be over so fast, me thinks), photography final tutorial, law(i think so too). no rest for the weary. can't wait for the exams to come and be killed. LET'S GET THAT 3.3! increase momentum!

cheer me on. try the tagboard.

--- FIX YOU by COLDPLAY ---
when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse?

when the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you like someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try...
to fix you.
---
just need plenty of brainrest. forever.
horale!

i, i, i... me, me, me.

that's the start of pride.

if i keep thinking like this, it's going to be a great fall. i should stop trusting too much of my own strength. there are things i can't do, so i had better lift it up to God then.

shouldn't and don't need to feel helpless. remember that God is with me all the time.

man, i have to start getting out of the sianness, but this time i can't do it alone. need plenty of God.

just look at the way i talk, write and whatever. it's always I this I that. so self-centered. sounds so wrong. i'm not powerful.

and about things i can't do, let it go... the messiahnic behaviour will surely kill.

tired. really bored of this entire cycle.