it could have been worse.

i'm having so much fun with the covers.

gee, for those who said they were nice, thanks. i thought they really sucked. it is really the act of God for a person like me to design something that is nice, for someone like me with no design element in mind. haha.

this smooth sailing. not good at all. i don't trust it. complacency will just come. better get ready for obstacles of myself that can hinder my attitudes. i observe those who take for granted... and fell.

i think i have no right to play judge, but i guess this is a pride thing. i need to deal with it slowly, get my mind right.. i don't want to drift away from the right stuff. drift away from God... they are all WRONG.

back to more normal stuff.

i suspect i failed FW. most of the others did too. man... this is crazy. i think it would have been ok if one or two failed. but almost the whole class did. i don't think the cohort is THAT LOUSY... i'm not saying that because we are DMC we deserve better, but because we are DMC and we can write, we know it and others know too... at least at our level. and same case with 01 who suffered the same fate. i heard rajan-sama was good enough to do something to help us. we have to do something about it!

GEMS was also cleared with some random photos about EMOTION/DRAMA. i seriously smoke my way out of here. talk some random caption. but i don't want my THURSDAY modules to pull me down! that includes OM! but i think OM will be smoother. something with notes. and something that is study-able. just that sheila kee-sama's notes are horrible.. poor font size and font.. it makes her notes sucky to read. sorry, but it's not even visually motivating to read. although rajan-sama's notes are in a outline form, i think it's at least interesting. hers... not so good. the standard level should be like kwa-sama sort... that's the more interactive one. but lecturers should NEVER(gawd, please) let the students copy everything from the powerpoint. it sure keeps the student awake, but it's damn tedious!

politics and all that with work... we all have to learn how to be professional and not let work totally ruin friendship... sometimes we have to control our attitudes too. for some people, they are like blacklisted, and i know they know that and hopefully they would do something about it and not worsen their condition. i try to look at it in a way that they will one day be forgiven. eternal condemnation is not my right. haha.

in any case, we all have to work positively. i try to do that.

but in all this, i try to maintain my reality. i am a Christian, and i know very well i cannot do things right without God. my strength < His Strength, and i can accomplish none without Him. i don't want to go to the aspect of living two lives.

first step: STOP SWEARING

eventual steps will come along the way. haha, sometimes people don't understand me and don't give me a chance to be understood. i hope in time they get the message. even i can conquer my emotional weakness slowly, don't discourage me please. i will do my best and take under control what i can.

alright i should just do a weekly post. and covers wise... i think i reduce posting them up. i want to keep the fun element along it. (:

and i will try to fix you.

LATEST= GOLD EDITION



Yes it's here. hahaha. damn dumb.



jevon's cover. he looks like he has facial hair before right? hahaha



no eyes again. but i think its joshua-like somehow. as in the design and all that.

i'll talk later about stuff if i want to.

later.

option A, or B.

yea yea, stereotype this stereotype that.

i really shouldn't care less if people don't give a shit about what they think.

there is really nothing i can do other than slowly earn that sort of reputation with people.

but sometimes, people just don't let you earn it. they let you stick with THEIR comfortable image of you for life.

and that, is damn childish.

you know i keep hearing "take control, take control", but sometimes being thrown down like this and that sucks. people think that only they have lives to run.

i'm still human. i have a life, but i know what is important. why not you all?

crap your way out of here.

new covers. PIRACY. hahaha











still my all time favourite. hahah



very much like him.

album.

check this shit out!



our first gold RECORD. no la. it's just a sample. i made the size in DMS. looks like all covers i have been making needs to be resized.*hint*



the more usual stuff now. it's the full band pic which i just completed and it's clearer, but can't beat the one i used for cover. never mind, junwei you are still PLASTIC MEMORY


Jos new pic... beats the majestic one. haha



i think clara is very pretty. especially in shots where she isn't even aware. very natural. i could make her j-pop.



of course, this is like the usual stuff i would do. but i'm going to resize most of them. for the MASS surprise. *hur*

take charge, not be taken charge

i'm not used to the school clock. still need plenty of sleep.



kel made this. composed of shots when we went to bakerzin on sunday. pretty cool. click it as a link to his blog.

bleed into wash.

i don't want to owe money! HELP ME AND MAKE ME CLEAR MY DEBTS, LORD!!!

an analysis would show that the camp has severe effects on people. severely POSITIVE effects. about most of those who have went for the retreat have had tremendous effects. credit goes to God of course. without Him this is nothing. of course... there would be errors also which didn't work out, but the positivity is the encouragement factor.

i wonder about myself though. did i change or not?

worship team.. it's cool to play in there, but i have decided, if i don't play it right, i don't play. what is the point of blank music. some people feel i play music emotionless. i have to put some reason and purpose in it. maybe it's like moshing and rocking. but i want to have fun when i play music. but worship team is directed at God. God, teach me to give You music good to Your ears, for You.

i don't know. but i think i can sense that this is a rest period... the quiet before the storm. let me live my life straight, and i'm clean. i'm going to get ready. and hopefully, i don't get same problem, such as emotional shit.

i hate this problem, and i'm going to deal with it.

collateral?

i'm back. damn tired.

it's not a usual procedure to report what i did, but a quick summary will do... on monday the class bbq was fun. in the end the ones who stayed were jasmine and farid with me von yin and jos. we had a great time talking crap together. it was very fun. but i was quite tired and really, needed to sleep.

in desperation we headed to McCafe to watch soccer. now why am i watching soccer!? i am never a soccer person.

so i stayed awake till like 6am, and took the first few public transport back home.

i came home basically to get my jacket, then bathe up. after bathing i slept for like an hour before i woke up and left the house within 10 minutes... amazingly, i wasn't zombie. i managed to survive all the way to the end of the day.

we had plenty of fun during the day, first up was a sharing session where we daringly shoot each other, both strength and weakness. for me, it has always been the same problems, and thankfully there haven't been new ones. but i feel at least i'm working towards a better... erm, future?

playing water dragonfly.. or pre-water dragonfly was fun also. laying out the mat and playing wrestling on a soapy and wet environtment was cool. for those who went, please don't bloody put THAT video on youtube. haha.

i think the coolest thing is everyone enjoyed themselves. even the younger ones. WAY COOL.

i sort of learnt many things, but i'm really too tired. i'm really proud of the youth this time. thank God for all of them, from jos edd janan all the way down to the girls of jaz sarah and even clara who came. it was really fun guys.

and.. plastic-memory will get to rock. OH YEA.

when you say nothing at all (so shut the hell up)

i have a LONG week ahead.

i had better sleep earlier. because i wake up damn late.

alright, last week, let's make the best of this!

behold the king, the king of kings.

going to be busy very soon...

2 BBQs consecutively next week. Monday is with class, tuesday at youth retreat. just great, my throat just WON'T be wrecked at the end of the week.

i hope the job von-sama suggested will get through. i need the money. besides, rotting at home with GTA all day, it's very tiring.

then there is the problem of doing things alone, damn bloody boring, so leaving house doesn't actually solve anything.

anyway, there is nothing really much to blog about. funny that at a time like this there is a blogging spree yet there is no content, while in the past there is more content than now.

hmm. i have been thinking what i want to accomplish in my youth.

i realise i want to play music professionally... not really the hardcore way like Gun's N Roses, but maybe locally just have some fun. perhaps Dong has somehow inspired me. haha. music has been really cool, and i feel like it can do better. i would have liked to be either a drummer or lead guitarist, but hey, being a bassist ain't too bad either. drums, to me is quite a sad case, because i have no body rhythm. maybe i can train, but well, it seems like it's going to take a long time. i'll just play something with strings then.

i think most of these ambitions are linked to media stuff... music... blah blah.. it's school's influence. i want to do video stuffs next time too. like maybe director? i don't really think so, don't really think i'm that cut out for that sort... perhaps smaller scale. besides, i don't have that much knowledge anyway. pity, perhaps i could have made it if i was in specialist diploma.

but i don't wish to be a reporter... i don't want to go snooping for news PROFESSIONALLY. i think it sounds kind of disgusting. very low-life. i realise i may not really be a people person after all. initial stages always kill me, it's the building up part that perhaps i'm better at, but hey, without the initial part what can i do?

what else do i want? i want a car. nuff' said. you guys wouldn't want to get me started on such boring details. a cool and simple car will do. i don't even care if it runs like at 220km/h. this is SINGAPORE.

i want a big PERSONAL SPACE. something like having an own room, but just bigger. i wouldn't like to live in an apartment alone, but i need want so many gadgets.

but all this are so material!

not going to settle enough.

perhaps God would make me a pastor or something. i'm scared of that reality, honestly, but hey, i think i will just do it anyway, and maybe just get used to it.

but i do understand that having physical stuff is so dry. it doesn't solve anything else.

much to contrary belief, i don't really need emotional support. YES it's damn true. i've always wanted it only. but i think i have proved to be able to survive it for a damn long time without it. maybe older then i can start looking at it more professionally.

hmm, if times were ancient. i'd still want to be king. and rule all scrawny asses. it doesn't matter if the country falls or revolts! i want to rule! wahahah. get grip. GRIP.

it's all for fun. dream for these, we may never get them. the equation of

our plan < God's plan

i had to come to terms with that a long time ago. oh well. move on with what you can, work towards what you can, and see what happens. just live in your own world will do i suppose, as long as you don't selfishly affect other people.

white roses.

it's stupid to type abstract or unclear rubbish, so i'll keep this short.

i'm very disturbed.

maybe i'm about to explode. something like the last time. but this time it's even weirder.

maybe trying so hard for a reason that nobody will notice is dumb. why try so hard, will it be noticed.

let me explain that this is not an attention-seeking attempt. this matter requires to be captured and observed.

but obviously not working out too well.

and i am already quite the damn sian. the DAMN SIAN.

i really don't need this stuff anymore. why is it i cannot be left in peace, but be always left haunted with such unnecessary stuff?

to post at noon, this really means something.

every single memory of the good or bad.

omen... NOT SCARY!

what an anticlimax. you guys can try watching.

i don't get freaked out by ghosts or whatever shit in movies, but sometimes the things that don't scare people get to me. only i will jump at such stupid scenes.

only one scene in the movie i jumped; the guy was doing some stuff then this dog just jumped in. the audio bluff me! dog... not even some mutation or whatever, some fierce dog just jump. evil scary shit, like huh? right. this is so anticlimatic for me. other experiences also. then all the scary shit, demonic rubbish i hear some guys behind me screaming. GUYS. -.- one dude was asleep. heard snoring from behind.

thinking point goes to the part where the devil may be existing among us as a child, and one day we may face the anti-christ. oh well, it's not as if we can escape the flow of events.

anyway, success to barbecues! one on MONDAY with 2A04 and one on TUESDAY with youths. my throat will die.

going to buy food with von-sama and yin-sama tmr. i'm just so LOGISTICS. haha.

can't wait for silent hill. i'm quite into the movie for now. FOR NOW. because the gap between watching movies in cinemas for me is usually 4-5 months. i have done once a month since May with MI3.

ok i want to be full of energy, restore everything back to full stats, like a game. SAVE GAME now.

right i'm just crazy.

controlling faster.

i am no MESSIAH.

nothing will go in my control.

just trust God.

ok a bit jumpy. but i suppose i need to relax because i was awakened abruptly from a nap at 10pm. better relax.

anyway looking forward to the class bbq in its planning stages! alrighty man! but i think abt two bbqs in a week, i think its crazy. oh well. gatherings are good. then there is money involved.

AWWW SHIT!

life love taught me to die.

not really.

love taught me HOW to die. through emotion strangulation.

it also taught me not to be stupid and let that method get on you.

ALRIGHT, i'm on a sort of emotional streak! shoot me! maybe it's because i'm bored, tired of racing in NFSU2 or INITIAL D, etc...

emotional support is dumb. i need it, but it won't be given. God, like, show me a path. or maybe you're telling me that relying on you will be enough. i know it will be, but, stupid me is too human and falls to skeptism. teach me to trust everything is in Your hands.

or maybe i know You're in control. maybe doubtful. please remove my doubt and trust You.

ok i need a grip. GRIP!

DISCOURAGED.

it's not your fault if you don't understand anything i try to do. i can't expect you to notice them anyway, because when you start noticing what i do, you'll start to notice everyone else too.

observation... it's not a skill. it's more of a choice i suppose. but ultimately, i must be aware i am no longer in control of the whole situation already. oh well, i should avoid the path labelled SORE LOSER. it's a weak term.

perhaps i took what you said too seriously. but even if it has some deeper meaning which you don't usually deliver, then, well, i'm not in a very good shape already. i should just remember the term that i am NOT in control.

oh well. i can only hope it's a casual remark.

DISCOURAGED.

we've come a long way.

this was in 2002. i was SKINNY. damn skinny.



new albums. because i'm bored.



MAJESTIC's looking fat.



drunken memory.

never-never land.

today was crazy because of travelling.

i went all the way to expo to get the photoshop cd from rachel kee. cck to expo really sucks. and expo was damn cold! it really was a horrible experience there. after about 10mins there only, i headed to JP to meet with von-sama to apply for the job thingy. ate at bentobox which was quite filling. after JP dropped down to church to pass sarah hew the cd which she had better appreciate(haha). then because their bs finished, i decided to slack awhile at pastor sharon's with edmund and the TUF. sat there to play with mishael only.

journey began at about 2.20. i reached expo at 3.55... i wonder why it took so long... reached JP at 5.15, sat there until 6.30 and then reached church at 7.15. left pastor sharon's place at about 8.20. it was a hellish experience today. now i'm home and blogging after another dinner which my parents left for me.

now i'm a tired guy who is sitting in front of the computer...

i am helping sarah hew install her photoshop now.. don't know .how to explain the part about the serial key thing...

ALRIGHT SHE GOT IT.

i have spent about 30 mins blogging this up to now.

anyway was talking with some of the dudes from secondary school.. it's been such a long time... JUNRONG(terry), SOPHIA(ape), AZRIL, KEVIN(bobby), FREDDIE... if you guys ever stumble here.. oh my. haha.

we chatted about old times and are trying to plan some outing for the old 2/10 dudes.

i'm wondering why 2/10 and not even the sec 4 classes..

haha i miss all of them.. but we've all grown so much. i miss the malays man.. they were great and funny.

i still see a bit of keong and terry.. sometimes catch them out. rajan is in SP, so catch him sometimes. haha.

was thinking about secondary school life.. how the MF of a DM tries to frame me... vandalism, attempted MURDER(what rubbish), stealing. i'm not crazy you know, he is the one here.

i also remember writing the crappy little 1000 - 3000 word essays on some of the lamest topics for Mr Oh as punishment. staying back in Unity was horrifying.

i kind of hated Unity because it was so rubbishy, it had a very bad running system and everything in there was hell to me. rugby was a bad experience when i quit it because i was injured, yet everyone accused me of stealing a medal. i don't know how to explain it... and don't plan to anyway. most of them were behaving somehow childish unnecessarily. but i suppose that plus points were like teachers who went out of the way like Mullai. they were great people to talk to because they understand that students do not equate idiots all the time.

some funny moments were like Miss Fong after that stealing incident. she didn't come for 2 days after that and we had no lesson.

when she returned she explained what happened to her. quite a funny experience.

FONG: Class, i was away for these 2 days at home after the accident. i told Mr Nathan(principal) what i did after Yiling(victim) lost her wallet, and what i told him was not the same of what you all wrote in the report, and therefore he called me a liar, and i was very sad.

DANIAL(i think): AH! LIAR!

it sounds really mean, but it was because she said it in her usual straight and emotionless face that tickles me today. i wonder how she is doing in AES now... suffer. haha that became the starting of the crap we had with her like.. LIAR-bilities(liabilities) for POA. hahah

well. i hope to see them around soon. perhaps there were plus points in Unity.

if this is what you want, then why is there so much pain?

all right, so here's a plan for the holiday...

it's about one month, hopefully i can work also. i drew out a bit of a battle plan for the month. i'm going to exercise! jog! hopefully my body can take it, and my mind will be disciplined. with this maybe i can lose some weight and get some shape.

also, hopefully i can get the job offer von-sama has... i want money! more like i need it. yup.

also with school down, it's really time to relax from the workload and get prepared for the next. i want to do well and get a ROCKET GPA this sem! i know i can do it! because i want to!

and it's because i have always been a genius (i'd better not be overconfident because the strength is not really mine but God's.)

safely, i would rather use strength properly than abuse it. I'm a weak person, so strength is such a treasure. but i tend to abuse it. don't know what i'm saying? be a christian. it's not a bad thing... shows you the world. that's about the scope of christianity.

which brings me to the fear of this FREEDOM suddenly. when a person gets too free, he thinks too much. i rather not think about my own emotional rubbish. i thought i could escape... i think it wants to come back. bore me! because of this weakness of me, i am hindered from being ultimate... argh.

why am i so concerned with being ultimate this ultimate that? because i can't stand weakness anymore. everything was so weak, so i just want to be strong... it's quite a long story. i was weak, and perhaps still are, but i am not going to stay this way forever, because it's utter rubbish to be like this. would you be weak?

it's off-topic, but i think the most important thing for me is to actually be clear in my mind. this... TIFA-san thing... i don't know, but it disturbs my mind. it shouldn't, because i am to be stronger.

the fact that i'm still human reminds me of how much my limit is.

who knew the other side of you.

OHHH YEA!

i'm free of my workload.

REST BABY REST!